Rise
Sunday 15th March 2020
To those who are
no longer with me,
To say that 2020
hasn’t hit me like a brick house would be a lie. Back in January I spoke about
how this year was going to be all about loving myself and learning new things,
and that I would definitely stick to my New Year’s Resolution…
The drinking of
more water lasted about a month. I’m still trying but I’m not having as much
success as I was. In fact, I’m pretty sure that all of my resolutions remain untouched
bar one. I sent my book of Poetry into a publisher and should hear either a yes
or a no by the end of April.
In regards to this
blog, I am sorry it’s been so long since I have been here, it has been so long
since I have written anything that wasn’t remotely Law related. Like I said, so far, this year has knocked me
sideways. I am struggling more now than I think I have since 2014 and I was in
a really, really bad place back then. My attendance at University has dropped dramatically
and I’m trying my best to get that back up but this week has not been my friend.
I’ve been in a mood.
Who am I kidding? I’m still in a mood, even as I sit here and write this. This week
I have been in a very ‘I hate myself’ mood and I wish I could tell you what caused
it, but I honestly haven’t a clue. I’m beginning to wonder whether I had a
dream that I was particularly awful in and my self-hatred has just carried on into
the real world and is affecting my life. That is the only semi-logical explanation
I have for this current mood of mine so that is what I am going to go with.
Anyway, back to
the blog. I am going to try and post fortnightly now. I’m going to change the notifications
on my phone that tell me to post a blog on Tuesdays at 3pm, something I’ve been
meaning to change since January. Every Tuesday at 3pm without fail, I tell
myself ‘I really must change that,’ and I never do. In fact, I’ll change it
right now. Done. Every other Sunday at Midday is when you can expect to hear
from me. Of course, I could throw you the off curved ball and post any time, but
I’m not about to make any promises I fear I won’t be able to keep.
This year has knocked
me off my feet and a lot of things have become neglected. Writing, this blog,
learning to love myself or make bread or French braid my hair. I do not know what
it is about this year so far that is breaking me, but I am putting my foot down,
I refuse to let it. I am getting help and I am taking back control of my life and
my mental health. I have a support system of friends that I have never quite had
before, the support of those who have always been there sitting right alongside
those new friends that I know I am so very, very blessed to have.
The first two and
a half months of 2020 my have defeated me. But I am a Phoenix. I will rise from
the ashes.
Tiffany Jade
xo
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