Wish You Were Here

25th June 2019 To those who are no longer with me,  For one of you, it has been a year and three days since you left me. No, you didn't leave me, you didn't go by choice. It has been one year and three days since you were taken from me. It appears to me that, the older I get, the harder it is for me to get over a death. Now, we all know that moving on from losing someone we love is hard and, at first, we are so reluctant to do so, however, when I was younger, of course it hurt like hell, but for some reason it was also easier to brush off.  This past year I have found myself on many occasions crying unexpectedly, for seemingly no reason at all. The best reasoning, I have ever seen for this, and this is where I need you to forgive me because I have no idea who said this originally but, grief is like a button, inside a box which plays host to a giant ball. This ball is so giant that it is constantly pressing on that button, triggering your never-ending grief...

18th June 2019 To those who are no longer with me,  I have been ghosted, many, many times and I have just found an open letter to someone who ghosted me and I thought I would share it with you. I'm under no illusion that I am the only person in the world to ever have to deal with this. I just think it should be talked about more, because personally, being ghosted is one of the lowest forms of behaviour and I am well aware that women do it too, I don't condone it then either.  Honestly, it baffles me how anyone can ever think that just disappearing  is better than just talking about it. Anyway, on to the letter.  04/09/17 To the guy who just ghosted me,  Why? Tell me why? Why did you act like everything was okay, when clearly now it wasn't? Why did you ask me on a date, then offer to pay when I declined because I couldn't afford to, only to never actually go through with it? Why were you planning movie marathons, and taking notes on things t...

11th June 2019 To those who are no longer with me, One of my life goals has always been to lose weight. I've always been a big girl and I can honestly say; I  hate  my body and I don't think there has ever been a time when I didn't. However, sitting here, window shopping online, window shopping because right now I don't even have a single pound to spend, I've realised something. I am forever telling myself and those around me that I am going to lose weight, but I never do. Call me lazy if you want, but I now know different. Before I change my body, I want to be able to love my body and myself the way I am first. That may sound stupid to some of you, but this is the body I have had for twenty-four years and it deserves a little love. It has been through bullying and heart ache and loss and is still going. It hasn't given up on me yet, so forgive me if I want to be able to love it before I lose it.  We're coming into summer if we're not ...

4th June 2019 To those who are no longer with me,  What is it about impending exams that suck you dry of all motivation and replaces it with double the amount of procrastination? That is hardly fair. I am so glad my end of year exams are over but I'm just sat here thinking about how long it took me to actually start my revision. I had three weeks from the end of the second semester to the first exam and I only started revising exactly a week before the first exam. Why? Because I'm freaking crazy that's why.  Now that the pressure surrounding upcoming exams is over I can finally relax and look back on my revision style and promptly punch myself in the face, because if I had just started my revision when I said I was going to, had I just stuck to the timetable I made for myself, I can assure you there would have been a lot less stress, tears, and hair pulling than there actually was.   This is great though. It is almost as if I have performed an exp...

Hello you lovely lot, this is my first impromptu post! How exciting. I hope you all enjoy this post about negativity and cutting it out of your life. I will be the first to sit here and admit that I am a negative person. There is so much about myself that I do not like, you can tell me differently all you want, I will not believe you, and I am incredibly open and honest about that. I can be known to surround myself with negativity too, some people can feed off of others negativity towards them, I, however, cannot. I tend to drown in it, which, I think we can all agree upon, is never a good thing. I find negativity and toxicity to be very similar if not the same. Negativity I feel is more towards a person, whereas toxicity is more in regard to a situation. A person can be negative towards you but a situation they put you in is toxic. I really hope that makes sense. There has been a lot of negativity and toxicity in my life over the years, and this is something that I am really t...